01 Apr Zuma’s SHOCK Confessesion: “I’m a Belieber.”
CAPE TOWN – South Africa’s political landscape was rocked to its very foundation on Friday as yet another shocking revelation was brought to the attention of the press.
Following hot on the heels of the recent Gupta scandal, a new report can confirm beyond all reasonable doubt that pop star Justin Bieber has a frightening amount of influence over the South African parliament. It is a crisis the media have taken to calling ‘Biebergate’.
“Gupta was just the beginning”, reports a high ranking government official, on condition of anonymity. “Bieber’s rise among the underground youth movements has been unprecedented. His popularity makes him dangerous, very dangerous. Who knows what effect he might have on policy?”
According to the leaked documents, Bieber was brought in as a secret ambassador to strengthen the ANC’s ties with the youthful urban population. But following the release of his new hit album, Bieber’s powers have escalated dangerously out of control.
“It’s not just about those free VIP tickets for the Purpose Tour anymore”, reported our informant. “I’ve been so caught up in my job, didn’t see what’s going on. But now I know.”
The report includes an alarming series of text messages our experts have confirmed took place between President Zuma and Bieber over Whatsapp.
“Where are U now?” Bieber texted on Thursday, stoking concerns the pop star keeps close tabs on the President at all times.
Indeed, Zuma is believed to have admitted to close friends and family that he is in fact a Belieber. This, in turn, may have clouded his judgement; leading to what can now only be described as a power struggle.
“Is it too late now to say sorry?” Zuma was overhead asking wives Gloria, Thobeka, Nompumelelo, and Gertrude at a hastily arranged press conference late last night.
How the Rand will react to our country’s latest upheaval remains to be seen.