27 Mar How Not To Look Like You Were Out Last Night When You Totally Were
You know those nights. Those casual Wednesday “quick-catch-up-one-drink-then-we’ll-go-home” nights that suddenly turn into a “oh-flip-it-when-did-we-decide-tequila-and-selfies-with-an-Uber-driver-were-a-good-idea?!” fiasco.
Those nights when you end up waking up at your friend’s house with nothing but your irreclaimable dignity and your finger to use as a toothbrush.
But fear not, for in these dark moments, when your head is pounding and your mouth resembles the plains of the Sahara, there is hope. It’s called “the grunge look” and I rock it every other week.
Shower, but don’t wash all your make up off – you’re going to need that later.
See if you can locate some baby powder, then rub some into last night’s clothes which are now today’s. The powder will absorb any sweat/smoke odours you may have picked up/created during your rendezvous.
Drink a fudge-ton of water and wash out your mouth with toothpaste – thoroughly – you dirty filthy drunk you.
Rub in last night’s foundation. If you have a blemish stick in your handbag then well done to you. If you carry makeup then just calm the heck down and stop reading this article because clearly you have your life in order.
Now comes your hair. This is the most important part because it can make or break the grunge look.
Take your hair, gooi it on top of your head and twist into a fat knot. Take one loose strand and tie it around that fat knot. Done. Nailed it.
If that wasn’t clear, check out this girl’s version. Although if you’re hungover, her perkiness might just push you over the edge.
Assume the resting “B” position. AKA don’t have any f@#ks to give. If you give off a hint of shame, the look is ruined so you need to bring your A-game here people.
Furrow your brow. Make your mouth one firm line across your mouth. Don’t blink. Hate everything and everyone. Be the Kristen Stewart you know you can be. You had a night out and now you’re gonna take the world out.
And if all else fails, find a pair dark sunglasses, beg/borrow/steal someone’s walking stick and then pretend you’ve temporarily lost your sight. Everyone will leave you the hell alone.
But whatever you do, do not chastise yourself. Do not rethink your life choices. Do not succumb to self-loathing. You are hung over. You are under slept. But you are not defeated.
So go forth young reckless one and prosper with tequila perspiration.